ed at beach

pointless post about weight loss resolution

So I've decided that reaching my goal size 8 as of 2 months ago isn't enough. I want to be a 6 by Christmas. My parents are coming out to visit and all I want is for my mom to look at me and say she's proud of me. Dane repeatedly tells me that my weight and my size don't impact who I am as a person and I know he's right. But my mother's been harping on me for my weight and my size since I was in high school, going so far as to force me into Weight Watchers and ask if I wanted to be the "fat kid" when I got to college.

I got serious about my size about this time last year (technically it was the Sunday after Thanksgiving since we started a new diet that day). I've lost just about 30 lbs in this one year alone without thinking about my weight, but my size. Because when I focus only on my size, the weight still needs to come off. I can probably drop another 5-10 lbs with this size drop. I started this weightloss at a size 12(ish). Being a 6 by Christmas would be an ultimate accomplishment.

There is no "I think I can". I will do this. I've given Dane full permission to force me into the gym, even when I complain, and to keep me on track with my food. Having the deadline will help.

Ok, resolution made.

Writer's Block: Instant attraction

Do you think romantic chemistry is instant or evolving? Have you ever given someone a second (or third) chance and lived to regret it? Have you ever fallen in love with someone you didn't particularly like or desire at first?

I was just talking to a co-worker about this tonight.

Um, I actually did NOT like Dane at first.  Thought he was a world class jerk for being the RA that wrote me up when I wasn't doing anything wrong.  We net up again the next semester at a club on campus and, in the middle of a good sized group, said "you're the jerk RA that wrote me up".  He actually kind of liked that I had the balls to say that.  But we started hanging out, I dated someone else, and we got together a few months after the break up with the other guy.  We've been together ever since.

So I would say that chemistry can evolve.
lab geeks are cute

Entourage, nachos, and strawberry ice cream

So it's official.  We're moving to Hawaii.  Dane got a job with one of the local restaurant chains starting Feb 1.  The countdown to move has begun.  Still haven't told my parents.  I plan on telling them when I land a full time job there.  Granted Dane will be making enough that I don't really need to, but still.  What better way to prove that there's more opportunity there than for both of us to find jobs?

Not much is going on other than that.  Holiday weekend blows.  Cut my hair again.  Sits just above my shoulders now and with the right product, curls just right.  Kind of early Sara Sidle mixed with early Lindsay Monroe.  Wow, that was a bit vain, but it looks good so give me my moment of vanity.

Best way to unwind: nachos with chicken nuggets, strawberry ice cream, and Entourage.

And Gary Sinise photos.  I love that man.
kidding me


I can't believe I caught my sister-in-law's cold.  It's been three days and this BLOWS.  I rarely get sick and now I've had pink eye and a cold in the span of a couple weeks.

Fuck my life.
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    sick sick
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God, please let me wake up from this nightmare

Hey guys.  I know I'm just getting back into the lj swing of things, but there might be another hiatus.

Dane called me at work tonight asking me to pick him up.  He had gotten a call from his sister saying that his dad found his mom passed out on the floor and she was being rushed to the hospital.  Same sister called me after I collected myself enough to drive and informed me that Mom didn't make it.  As of tonight, I no longer have a mother in law.  I feel like a piece of my heart has been scraped out with a plastic spoon.  It hurts and feels so unreal.  I was begging his sister not to be serious.  Unfortunately, you can't always get what you want.

So Dane and I are leaving for Hawaii in the morning.  I don't know how long we'll be there.  I don't know when I'll be able to update, but I'll try.

Please pray for his family.  And please pray that I have the strength to be strong for all of them.
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    crushed crushed

when did I get so old???

I'm out with Dane and his coworkers right now for bowling. Of course I'm in a lane with people who don't give a shit. Of course I have the lane that has games end prematurely. But of course everyone else is too drunk to care. When did I get so old that I'm not entertained by this anymore? I'm so bored it's ridiculous.

In other news, car's back from the shop and we're on the road to recovery. Between work, physical therapy, and the chiropractor I have next to no time to pack for our move next week. Nevermind how much physical therapy hurts some days.

We went to LA last night so I could test for a Law Enforcement Tech position with LASD this morning. Test went well. I'll find out for sure in a couple weeks.

God this is fucking boring. I'm ready to go home, but don't want to limit his fun. I just need him to sober up more because I'm completely incapable of carrying him while I'm injured like this. Ugh, I'm surrounded by drunks right now and I'm not one of them. This sucks...

tired of cathing drunk drivers this way

Dane and I got hit by another drunk driver on Saturday morning (technically since it was just after midnight). We were coming home after I picked him up from work and were stopped at a light across from Mandalay Bay, wating to turn left on Las Vegas Blvd. The people coming from the hotel had the light and the guy came across the intersection and straight into our car, pushing us into the cab behind. Swear to God, scariest moment of my life. I blared my horn, hoping he would realize he was about to hit us but no such luck. We spent about 2 1/2 hours in the ER that night. Dane has a cervical sprain (whiplash) and some back pain which has mostly gone away. I have both of those and an a-c separation on my left shoulder. It's all a world of pain. We know there's frame damage done to my car because the dashboard actually came up into our knees (I have the bruises to prove it).

I don't think I've ever been so angry with another person before. This asshole had the nerve to ask us if we had been drinking too. We're like, "we just came from work you douchebag". He was arrested for drunk driving and since it was the weekend the courts were closed, but still. I know he's going to pay out the nose for our car repair, medical bills, and lost wages, but I want more than just losing his lisence. It doesn't seem fair to me. Maybe it's because I've missed two days of work and I'm tired of sitting on my ass in pain, not able to use my left arm much. I don't know.

I know that we're lucky. This could have been a lot worse. The people in the cab behind us were fine. But even though I know all these things, I still feel angry. I think I'll feel better once this is all over and I don't feel so much like a cripple.

trial by fire part 2

I feel like I'm a failure as a wife. How the fuck has it gotten to this? It hasn't even been a month. Isn't this a little early to feel like the pathetic loser failure I feel right now? I have no idea what I'm doing and no fucking clue how to cope. I have no one to talk to but you guys. Every one else has their own drama and their own shit to deal with. I don't want to burden anyone else with my shit too, but I can't handle this alone. I want to hear more than "she's a fighter and she's going to be fine.". I want a fucking solution. I want to know what we're up against so we can make the battle plan. I can't deal with so many unknowns.

Somone who's lost a parent or an in-law, please talk to me and talk me through this.