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stop and stare

suddenly I see this is what I want to be

pointless post about weight loss resolution
ed at beach
So I've decided that reaching my goal size 8 as of 2 months ago isn't enough. I want to be a 6 by Christmas. My parents are coming out to visit and all I want is for my mom to look at me and say she's proud of me. Dane repeatedly tells me that my weight and my size don't impact who I am as a person and I know he's right. But my mother's been harping on me for my weight and my size since I was in high school, going so far as to force me into Weight Watchers and ask if I wanted to be the "fat kid" when I got to college.

I got serious about my size about this time last year (technically it was the Sunday after Thanksgiving since we started a new diet that day). I've lost just about 30 lbs in this one year alone without thinking about my weight, but my size. Because when I focus only on my size, the weight still needs to come off. I can probably drop another 5-10 lbs with this size drop. I started this weightloss at a size 12(ish). Being a 6 by Christmas would be an ultimate accomplishment.

There is no "I think I can". I will do this. I've given Dane full permission to force me into the gym, even when I complain, and to keep me on track with my food. Having the deadline will help.

Ok, resolution made.

Writer's Block: Instant attraction
Do you think romantic chemistry is instant or evolving? Have you ever given someone a second (or third) chance and lived to regret it? Have you ever fallen in love with someone you didn't particularly like or desire at first?

I was just talking to a co-worker about this tonight.

Um, I actually did NOT like Dane at first.  Thought he was a world class jerk for being the RA that wrote me up when I wasn't doing anything wrong.  We net up again the next semester at a club on campus and, in the middle of a good sized group, said "you're the jerk RA that wrote me up".  He actually kind of liked that I had the balls to say that.  But we started hanging out, I dated someone else, and we got together a few months after the break up with the other guy.  We've been together ever since.

So I would say that chemistry can evolve.

Entourage, nachos, and strawberry ice cream
lab geeks are cute
So it's official.  We're moving to Hawaii.  Dane got a job with one of the local restaurant chains starting Feb 1.  The countdown to move has begun.  Still haven't told my parents.  I plan on telling them when I land a full time job there.  Granted Dane will be making enough that I don't really need to, but still.  What better way to prove that there's more opportunity there than for both of us to find jobs?

Not much is going on other than that.  Holiday weekend blows.  Cut my hair again.  Sits just above my shoulders now and with the right product, curls just right.  Kind of early Sara Sidle mixed with early Lindsay Monroe.  Wow, that was a bit vain, but it looks good so give me my moment of vanity.

Best way to unwind: nachos with chicken nuggets, strawberry ice cream, and Entourage.

And Gary Sinise photos.  I love that man.

kidding me
I can't believe I caught my sister-in-law's cold.  It's been three days and this BLOWS.  I rarely get sick and now I've had pink eye and a cold in the span of a couple weeks.

Fuck my life.

God, please let me wake up from this nightmare
Hey guys.  I know I'm just getting back into the lj swing of things, but there might be another hiatus.

Dane called me at work tonight asking me to pick him up.  He had gotten a call from his sister saying that his dad found his mom passed out on the floor and she was being rushed to the hospital.  Same sister called me after I collected myself enough to drive and informed me that Mom didn't make it.  As of tonight, I no longer have a mother in law.  I feel like a piece of my heart has been scraped out with a plastic spoon.  It hurts and feels so unreal.  I was begging his sister not to be serious.  Unfortunately, you can't always get what you want.

So Dane and I are leaving for Hawaii in the morning.  I don't know how long we'll be there.  I don't know when I'll be able to update, but I'll try.

Please pray for his family.  And please pray that I have the strength to be strong for all of them.

when did I get so old???
I'm out with Dane and his coworkers right now for bowling. Of course I'm in a lane with people who don't give a shit. Of course I have the lane that has games end prematurely. But of course everyone else is too drunk to care. When did I get so old that I'm not entertained by this anymore? I'm so bored it's ridiculous.

In other news, car's back from the shop and we're on the road to recovery. Between work, physical therapy, and the chiropractor I have next to no time to pack for our move next week. Nevermind how much physical therapy hurts some days.

We went to LA last night so I could test for a Law Enforcement Tech position with LASD this morning. Test went well. I'll find out for sure in a couple weeks.

God this is fucking boring. I'm ready to go home, but don't want to limit his fun. I just need him to sober up more because I'm completely incapable of carrying him while I'm injured like this. Ugh, I'm surrounded by drunks right now and I'm not one of them. This sucks...

tired of cathing drunk drivers this way
Dane and I got hit by another drunk driver on Saturday morning (technically since it was just after midnight). We were coming home after I picked him up from work and were stopped at a light across from Mandalay Bay, wating to turn left on Las Vegas Blvd. The people coming from the hotel had the light and the guy came across the intersection and straight into our car, pushing us into the cab behind. Swear to God, scariest moment of my life. I blared my horn, hoping he would realize he was about to hit us but no such luck. We spent about 2 1/2 hours in the ER that night. Dane has a cervical sprain (whiplash) and some back pain which has mostly gone away. I have both of those and an a-c separation on my left shoulder. It's all a world of pain. We know there's frame damage done to my car because the dashboard actually came up into our knees (I have the bruises to prove it).

I don't think I've ever been so angry with another person before. This asshole had the nerve to ask us if we had been drinking too. We're like, "we just came from work you douchebag". He was arrested for drunk driving and since it was the weekend the courts were closed, but still. I know he's going to pay out the nose for our car repair, medical bills, and lost wages, but I want more than just losing his lisence. It doesn't seem fair to me. Maybe it's because I've missed two days of work and I'm tired of sitting on my ass in pain, not able to use my left arm much. I don't know.

I know that we're lucky. This could have been a lot worse. The people in the cab behind us were fine. But even though I know all these things, I still feel angry. I think I'll feel better once this is all over and I don't feel so much like a cripple.

really? REALLY???
kidding me
Billy Mays? Really? HE had to die too?

Man this blows. Infomercials will never be the same again...

trial by fire part 2
I feel like I'm a failure as a wife. How the fuck has it gotten to this? It hasn't even been a month. Isn't this a little early to feel like the pathetic loser failure I feel right now? I have no idea what I'm doing and no fucking clue how to cope. I have no one to talk to but you guys. Every one else has their own drama and their own shit to deal with. I don't want to burden anyone else with my shit too, but I can't handle this alone. I want to hear more than "she's a fighter and she's going to be fine.". I want a fucking solution. I want to know what we're up against so we can make the battle plan. I can't deal with so many unknowns.

Somone who's lost a parent or an in-law, please talk to me and talk me through this.

it's all gone...
So I did it. I chopped off almost a foot of hair today. It feels incredible. I love it. Dane is crying over it, but I know he loves it too.

Orlando's great and growing on me. Maybe we will move here. Who knows?

no more airplanes!
Reached Orlando. Abnoxiously long flight. Glad to be here. Kind of odd to think that we could be moving here in a few months. Updates will follow.

I left my heart in San Francisco
So our time in San Fran has come to an end. We're now sitting in the airport waiting for our flight to LAX where we'll run off to our gate to Orlando. I did really enjoy being here though. Sure the restuarants are cramped and it was freezing in comparison to what we're used to, but it was fun catching the trolley and exploring Fisherman's Warf, Ghiridelli Square, and Chinatown. The architecture here is out of this world. It's ridiculous what a fan I am of Victorians. My sister's graduation was great and the place she picked for dinner was awful esp with how much she talked it up. We could never live here (way too busy of a city with no room to relax when you get home), but we'll definitely be back to visit. It's a nice change up every now and then, but we're definitely suburb people that only want to work in the big city.

Next is Orlando!

Pictures from the trip and the wedding (because I know all of you want to see how hot I looked in that dress *wink*) will be posted after we get back and get a bit settled.

finally official
It's official. Dane and I got married yesterday. I'm happy, exhausted, and so many other things. Half of our stress is now gone and over. Now I just need a job and I'm set.

So we'll be at Lake Las Vegas for another couple of days then it's off to San Fran to see my sister graduate. And then after that... Disneyworld!!!

I'll post some pictures after we get back since all I have is my phone and no computer *pouts*.

and for those that hate infomercials....

probably going to hell for this...

much needed update
9 days and counting til the wedding.  Things are starting to fall into place a bit better, but it's not really keeping the little tiffs at bay.  We really need to work on dealing with our stress better...

School's done and over.  Skipped graduation since I did it the last degree and didn't see a point in doing it again.

Still jobless.  Sort of.  I still have banana and my bitch of a gm is leaving to go to the Venetian.  Probably won't meet the new one until I get back from the honeymoon.  I was ready to send some applications to LA County, but then realized that they wanted my transcripts in the packet I need to mail in.  Not really sure how I'm going to go about getting the transcripts from my community college in a timely manner.  And for some genius reason, the registrar's office is closed on Friday.  I don't know what the fuck that's about.  So now I need to call on Monday morning to see if I can order them over the phone and have my mom can go  get them for me before she comes up for the wedding.  Then I can send everything off before I get hitched.

I got contacts the other day.  It's a great feeling to be able to see and not have anything on my face.  Still getting a bit used to it though.  My right eye likes to blink too much so it's a pain in the ass to get it in and out.  But I'm digging it.

Ugh, time to get ready for work.

do we need to ask who I stole this from???
Now, here's what you're supposed to do. . . Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag as many of your friends as you'd like to.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
Kissed any one of your Facebook friends? --- yeah, but since I can't remember who I have on there I can't say how many exactly
Been arrested? --- nope
Kissed someone you didn't like? --- yeah, not so great
Slept in until 5 PM? --- no
Fallen asleep at work/school? --- now there's a silly question...
Held a snake? --- yes
Ran a red light? --- yes
Been suspended from school? --- never
Experienced love at first sight? --- no
Totaled your car in an accident? --- thankfully no
Been fired from a job? ---no
Fired somebody? --- no, but there are a couple of people I'd like to axe
Sang karaoke? --- Yes
Pointed a gun at someone? --- nope
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? --- yeah
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? --- once when I was a kid
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? --- more than one
Kissed in the rain? --- yes and it was just as hot as I thought it would be
Had a close brush with death --- not that I can recall
Sang in the shower? --- yes
Smoked a cigar? --- ummm gross?
Sat on a rooftop? --- yes... and then I realized I was stuck (not a place to hang out when afraid of heights)
Taken pictures of yourself naked? --- yeah, for Dane when he was away last summer, but hopefully they were deleted when he wiped the hard drive
Smuggled something into another country? --- nope
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? -- no, but I did it to someone else
Broken a bone? --- no
Skipped school? --- only in college
Eaten a bug? --- statistically we eat 8 bugs a year in our sleep
Sleepwalked? ---no
Walked a moonlit beach? --- yes
Rode a motorcycle? --- yes
Dumped someone? --- yes
Forgotten your anniversary? --- never
Lied to avoid a ticket? --- nope, told the truth about my lack of a/c in July and staying in a hotel and the bastard still gave me a ticket
Ridden on a helicopter? --- no, not sure I trust them
Shaved your head? -- not planning to, my head's too lumpy
Played a prank on someone? --- who hasn't?
Hit a home run? --- no
Felt like killing someone? --- YES
Cross-dressed? --- does it count when I run around in Dane's clothes?
Been falling-down drunk? --- no, but I want to get smashed on my 25th this year
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? --- once
Eaten snake? --- no, but you could probably trick me into eating it
Marched/Protested? -- nope, only petitions
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? --- no
Puked on amusement ride? --- close, but no cigar
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? --- yes
Been in band? --- yes if you count school
Knitted? --- I tried and failed miserably
Been on TV? --- yes
Shot a gun? --Yes
Skinny-dipped? --- no, seems too dirty for me
Gave someone stitches? --- no
Eaten a whole habenero pepper? --- dude, I just got okay with bell peppers
Ridden a surfboard? --- no, I need to get over my fear of deep water and sharks first
Drank straight from a liquor bottle? --- yeah
Had surgery? --- yes, oral
Streaked? --- God no
Taken by ambulance to hospital? ---no
Tripped on mushrooms? --- never
Passed out when not drinking? --- haha, yeah, I was exhausted
Had sex? *eg*
Donated Blood/Plasma? --- no, I can't stand the smell in the rooms
Grabbed electric fence? --- um, no
Eaten alligator meat? --- again, you could probably trick me into it
Eaten cheesecake? --- yes and don't like it
Eaten your kids' Halloween candy? --- I probably would if I had kids
Killed an animal when not hunting? -- sort of... I was aiming to hit the pigeon
3 kinds of sex? -- what counts as a type of sex?  I'm not sure I get this one...
Snuck into a movie without paying? --- no
Written graffiti? --- no
Think about the future? --- oh, only all the time
Been in handcuffs? --- no
Believe in love? -- yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? --- yes and I attack Dane when he tries to take it from me
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Finale thoughts- part 1
I'm going to do this without revealing anything since my lj cut thing selectively hates me.

CSI:NY brought me to tears.  Great episode.  I'm starting to hate these cliffhangers with a burning passion.

CSI had one of the worst finales I've ever seen.  Maybe it would have been better if there was more Catherine, Nick, or Greg, I don't know.  Every time Riley opens her mouth I have the overwhelming urge to punch her.  And I'm getting tired of this being the Laurence Fishbourne show.  Even when Grissom was still there, he didn't overwhelm the show like this.  I was actually looking forward to seeing more Catherine after he left.  I'm just sorely dissappointed.  I would say that I'll stop watching, but after being a fan for 6 years that's a little hard.  It's just losing favor with me.

Bones had me confused until the end.  I'll leave it at that.

Still waiting on House, NCIS, and Criminal Minds.  It'd be fantastic if I didn't have to spend a summer wondering who died (again).  I'd really love that.  Part 2 of this will be up next week when I watch everything.

Now I get to go to the bridal shower I never really wanted to begin with...

So that's it.  I just took my lecture final.  I'm officially done with UNLV.  I officially have nothing tying me to this shithole of a city.

And I made sure I give the school the one finger salute- both hands- on my way out.

I'm done.

I'm free.

Fuck.  Yes.

Why is it that when a woman claims to not feel well and have an upset stomach, everyone instantly assumes she's pregnant?  They don't assume food poisoning, stomach flu, or maybe a fucking period trying to rear it's ugly little head early.  They go to one thing: pregnant.

I'm NOT pregnant.  I don't even want to be pregnant yet.  I'm just tired of my stomach being weird and feeling anxious all the time.  Seriously blow and I can definitely go without.

And why, for the love of God, can't I learn to keep my mouth shut when I'm annoyed?  Snapping at Dane that he's the reason I would be pregnant was probably not my mot genius move ever.