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stop and stare

suddenly I see this is what I want to be

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Is it worth it?
I never thought I would say this, but I want to go back to Vegas.  I don't want to be here.  I'm lonely and I have no friends, no job, no distractions, nothing.  My world is my internet, tv, and imagination.  I'm tired of missing out on things with my friends.  I didn't get to be there with a gallon of ice cream for Taylor.  I missed Kelsey's bacherlorette party last night and I'm missing her wedding tomorrow.  I feel like I'm missing out on everything being here.  I don't even want to be here right now.  I feel so isolated and not because I'm sitting in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.  I miss my freedom and independence.  I miss stocking a kitchen with healthy food.  I miss being able to stay out late and not having anyone care.  I miss my job at Banana even though I hated it half the time because at least I felt like I was contributing to our funds.  I miss being able to pronounce street names and knowing where things are.  I miss my large bathtub and bathroom.  I miss our old bed.

I miss my old life.

Is all of this worth the hope of creating a better life for us and our furture children?

God I hope so.
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It will get better sweetie! You just need some time to adjust.


I know how you feel. Trust me, it will get better. Just hang in there.

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