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stop and stare

suddenly I see this is what I want to be

I'm still alive...
emily jj
sophies_remedy
So it’s been a while. Some days it feels like a lot has happened since September. Some days it feels like nothing’s changed and I’m here just drifiting. Maybe the best way to do this update is to break everything down categorically…


Health
My stress levels have gone down for the most part and I’m proudly sporting a full head of hair again. No more stress-related baldness for me.

At the suggestion of our doctor, Dane and I have both gone to an immunologist for allergy testing. He’s allergic to pollen, dust, and cockroaches (don’t worry, he can still kill them for me). I’m allergic to pollen and… peanuts. The peanuts have been a more recent development since I ate it all the time as a kid. I’ve only been noticing lately when we would eat a straight spoonful of peanut butter that my tongue would itch like crazy. So now to avoid a possibly worse reaction, peanuts and I have broken up. I use almond butter which tastes awful by itself, but not so bad in a tortilla or with jam. Dane likes to tease me and brag about his ability to eat peanut butter still… jerk. As for the pollen, I’ve got 2 different nasal sprays I get to snort every day.

The most important development on the health front is the discovery that I have ADHD. I was evaluated for it a few weeks ago and saw a psychiatrist yesterday that has started me on Stratera because it’s a non-stimulant. Dane took the day off to go with me yesterday which would have been sweeter if I didn’t practically strong arm and guilt him into it. But it was still nice to have him there. My parents have no idea I’ve done the testing and that I’m now on medication. I didn’t want to tell them because they’ve never been supportive of psychological treatment in the past. But now, I’m honestly left a little bitter with them. It took 26 years for this to be realized. Kids start showing signs of ADHD at the age of 3. They didn’t notice how hard it was for me to focus all those years? They didn’t think anything of the fact that I had to do my homework in the family room with the TV off when they were the ones that enforced this? I understand not noticing me walking into walls and stuff because that was later, but looking back, so many signs were there. I need to stop thinking this way. It only gives me another reason to avoid my mother’s calls.


Work
So somehow being one of the original 5 team members has landed me one of the most varied schedules. Even the guys that work the nightclub have a better set schedule. When we did the schedule bid back around September and started getting 2 days off, I got Friday and Saturday off. We got our hours cut from 40 to 32 in January and I started getting Thursday off as well. The Friday before Valentine’s Day, I get a call saying that we’re going back to 40 hours, but I would still have Friday and Saturday off. I get a second call a few minutes later saying that I had to work Saturdays, that no one would be off on Saturdays, and instead of working 6:30-2:30, I’m working 10:30-6:30 so that there could be coverage at the pool. Imagine my surprise when I found out that I was the only one with this 10:30 mid shift that spends half the time on morning shift and the second half on swing shift. And then I foolishly brought it to my supervisor and boss’s attention that with me doing this 10:30 shift, there are only 2 officers on between 6:30 and 10:30 on Sundays and Mondays. So brilliant me walked myself into 10:30 Saturday, Tuesday, Wednesday and 6:30 on Sunday and Monday. Except this week. I’m 6:30 all week while one guy’s out of town. Oh, and this whole “everyone’s working Staurdays” thing? My supervisor hasn’t been in on a Saturday in 3 weeks and he’s taking vacation tomorrow. I guess me coming in at 6:30 shows how little he trusts them to actually work?

For anyone who saw the last season’s finale of Grey’s Anatomy, we have a threat of that happening at work with a guy we just fired last week. The whole department’s a bit on edge right now. This is another reason why I haven’t really been talking to my mother the past week. I have the bad habit of telling her everything and I don’t want her to worry. Dane’s already freaked out and gave me permission last week to call out. Reagan’s making me call her or text her at the end of each shift. *s* We’ll have to see how it all goes.

Oh, and my piece of shit boss decided to be a pussy and take the next 2 weeks off.

I need a new job.


Home

Well, my father in law still thinks I’m lazy, but I feel the same way about him so I guess it’s almost an even trade. I do enjoy the hypocrisy of the thought since when he comes home all he does is shower and then sit on his ass before going to bed at 9pm. Whatever. The man still thinks that he allowed us to take over cooking because we didn’t like anything he made. Yes, we didn’t like his half-assed attempts at making something edible, but we were the ones that more or less shoved him out of the kitchen. The food he makes is crap and is crap for you, so yeah, we took over. He used to help a bit with dishes and at least do his own, but that’s stopped too.

And he calls me lazy.

Dane
We’re still hanging in there. My ADHD has caused some problems between us since I can’t remember anything, but he’s trying to be supportive and understanding. We’re still working on moving out and the cut in my hours set us back a little bit, but we’re still okay.


I think this is long enough so we’ll leave it at this for now. I’ll try to update more frequently to avoid the super long updates.

Oh, and last week's Criminal Minds, "Lauren", was incredible.  So sad to see Emily/Paget leave, but what a fantastic episode to do it.  I just think maybe this should have been the season finale.  I don't know how you could follow such an amazing, heavy episode like that one.