emily jj

I'm still alive...

So it’s been a while. Some days it feels like a lot has happened since September. Some days it feels like nothing’s changed and I’m here just drifiting. Maybe the best way to do this update is to break everything down categorically…

My stress levels have gone down for the most part and I’m proudly sporting a full head of hair again. No more stress-related baldness for me.

At the suggestion of our doctor, Dane and I have both gone to an immunologist for allergy testing. He’s allergic to pollen, dust, and cockroaches (don’t worry, he can still kill them for me). I’m allergic to pollen and… peanuts. The peanuts have been a more recent development since I ate it all the time as a kid. I’ve only been noticing lately when we would eat a straight spoonful of peanut butter that my tongue would itch like crazy. So now to avoid a possibly worse reaction, peanuts and I have broken up. I use almond butter which tastes awful by itself, but not so bad in a tortilla or with jam. Dane likes to tease me and brag about his ability to eat peanut butter still… jerk. As for the pollen, I’ve got 2 different nasal sprays I get to snort every day.

The most important development on the health front is the discovery that I have ADHD. I was evaluated for it a few weeks ago and saw a psychiatrist yesterday that has started me on Stratera because it’s a non-stimulant. Dane took the day off to go with me yesterday which would have been sweeter if I didn’t practically strong arm and guilt him into it. But it was still nice to have him there. My parents have no idea I’ve done the testing and that I’m now on medication. I didn’t want to tell them because they’ve never been supportive of psychological treatment in the past. But now, I’m honestly left a little bitter with them. It took 26 years for this to be realized. Kids start showing signs of ADHD at the age of 3. They didn’t notice how hard it was for me to focus all those years? They didn’t think anything of the fact that I had to do my homework in the family room with the TV off when they were the ones that enforced this? I understand not noticing me walking into walls and stuff because that was later, but looking back, so many signs were there. I need to stop thinking this way. It only gives me another reason to avoid my mother’s calls.

So somehow being one of the original 5 team members has landed me one of the most varied schedules. Even the guys that work the nightclub have a better set schedule. When we did the schedule bid back around September and started getting 2 days off, I got Friday and Saturday off. We got our hours cut from 40 to 32 in January and I started getting Thursday off as well. The Friday before Valentine’s Day, I get a call saying that we’re going back to 40 hours, but I would still have Friday and Saturday off. I get a second call a few minutes later saying that I had to work Saturdays, that no one would be off on Saturdays, and instead of working 6:30-2:30, I’m working 10:30-6:30 so that there could be coverage at the pool. Imagine my surprise when I found out that I was the only one with this 10:30 mid shift that spends half the time on morning shift and the second half on swing shift. And then I foolishly brought it to my supervisor and boss’s attention that with me doing this 10:30 shift, there are only 2 officers on between 6:30 and 10:30 on Sundays and Mondays. So brilliant me walked myself into 10:30 Saturday, Tuesday, Wednesday and 6:30 on Sunday and Monday. Except this week. I’m 6:30 all week while one guy’s out of town. Oh, and this whole “everyone’s working Staurdays” thing? My supervisor hasn’t been in on a Saturday in 3 weeks and he’s taking vacation tomorrow. I guess me coming in at 6:30 shows how little he trusts them to actually work?

For anyone who saw the last season’s finale of Grey’s Anatomy, we have a threat of that happening at work with a guy we just fired last week. The whole department’s a bit on edge right now. This is another reason why I haven’t really been talking to my mother the past week. I have the bad habit of telling her everything and I don’t want her to worry. Dane’s already freaked out and gave me permission last week to call out. Reagan’s making me call her or text her at the end of each shift. *s* We’ll have to see how it all goes.

Oh, and my piece of shit boss decided to be a pussy and take the next 2 weeks off.

I need a new job.


Well, my father in law still thinks I’m lazy, but I feel the same way about him so I guess it’s almost an even trade. I do enjoy the hypocrisy of the thought since when he comes home all he does is shower and then sit on his ass before going to bed at 9pm. Whatever. The man still thinks that he allowed us to take over cooking because we didn’t like anything he made. Yes, we didn’t like his half-assed attempts at making something edible, but we were the ones that more or less shoved him out of the kitchen. The food he makes is crap and is crap for you, so yeah, we took over. He used to help a bit with dishes and at least do his own, but that’s stopped too.

And he calls me lazy.

We’re still hanging in there. My ADHD has caused some problems between us since I can’t remember anything, but he’s trying to be supportive and understanding. We’re still working on moving out and the cut in my hours set us back a little bit, but we’re still okay.

I think this is long enough so we’ll leave it at this for now. I’ll try to update more frequently to avoid the super long updates.

Oh, and last week's Criminal Minds, "Lauren", was incredible.  So sad to see Emily/Paget leave, but what a fantastic episode to do it.  I just think maybe this should have been the season finale.  I don't know how you could follow such an amazing, heavy episode like that one.
garcia love

be jealous *w*

I got hit on by the girl checking receipts at Sam's Club this afternoon.

Dane's response, "we're not having a threesome who can benchpress more than me."

My response, "I don't think your the one she wants dear."

There's my ego inflation for the day.
  • Current Mood
    horny horny

maybe the point is pointless

I came to the realizaton today that my mother in law's birthday is on Tuesday.  I was just flipping through the show guide on the tv, trying to find Rizzoli and Isles after getting hooked on it being home sick the past couple of days.  And there it was: Tues 9/7.  Her birthday.  Which means that 2 weeks, exactly 2 weeks, after that, is the anniversary of her death.  The first year without her here is almost over and it barely feels like a month has passed. 

Strange how this anniversary almost means more than mine and Dane's first wedding anniversary.  Maybe it's because marriage didn't really change much for us.  We had considered ourselves married for a long while before the government deemed it official, but other than my last name, there were no major changes that went with it.  It was his mother's death tha changed everything.  We left Las Vegas and moved to Hawaii.  He left Marriott for a local resturant chain and has since gone back to Marriott with a better position and better pay and the possibility of a promotion on the horizon.  I transferred to an Old Navy before quitting to join the new Marriott brand, EDITION, as a security officer, making more money than I thought I could with a pay raise kicking into effect this week since I've passed my probation with flying colors.  Finacially, we are very set.  Ridiculously set.  This move has been the best thing for us in years, set.  It shouldn't be long until we're buying newer cars and moving out.

I really want to move out.  Really, REALLY want to move out.

Dane's dad has made remarkable progress in the past year.  I won't be so selfish and naive to say that it was all us.  Lynn definately helped a lot in the beginning.  But, he's also definately done better since she moved out and it's now just the three of us.  Yeah, we've take over all of the cooking and preparation of his lunches in order to get him eating healthier, but he is responding for the most part.  If only he'd actually EAT the carrots we pack him for lunch...

Sometimes, it doesn't feel real.  There are days we both wake up and expect to find his mom downstairs.  Being here alone the past few days have made me miss her more.  The fact that I'm a real working adult occasionally scares the hell out of me and I wonder, ' when the fuck did I grow up?'  It really is a gradual process because all of a sudden, you look back and you have no idea when it happened.

It's almost the same problem I've had with my weight gain.  I've gained twenty pounds in the past year.  I've gone from almost a size 6 back to a 12.  I overeat.  I use food to hide my problems.  I use food to make me feel better.  I use food to reward myself.  Dane's seeing a dietician on the 11th.  If he likes her and thinks she can help me, I'm off to see her too.  I reasonably don't have time for a personal trainer if I can't always make it to the gym, but I eat several times a day and changing my diet was how I lost almost all 30 pounds before and after my wedding.

Not really sure what the point of this post was.  I typically try to have a point, emphasis on try.  I won't make promises on updating more frequently since I work about 50 hours a week and then come home to Dane and his dad and I'm trying to keep my stress down since it's leading to viral infections and a nice bald spot by my left temple.  I will give advice though: don't be massocistic and open a hotel.  Most of the time you're understaffed and overworked and some of the guys you work with are pussies and bigger girls than you are.  But at least the pay is good, right?

Maybe the point of this is that with all the craziness and depression and heartbreak and lonliness, I'm okay.  I've pulled through most of it.  I can see through all the muck and realize that I'm in a good place and I'm blessed.

Or maybe I'm full of crap and this is the headache talking.  Who knows?


now it's Dane's health

So Dane and I celebrated our one year anniversary on Monday.  I had to work (new job and all), but he picked me up after and took me to Cheesecake Factory to celebrate with an old favorite.  It was all nice and low key and fun.  Really, it was just nice to get out and spend the time with him since our schedules were relatively opposite last week.

But I can't believe we've been married for a year.  It's gone by so fast with everything we've experienced.  We're both in agreement that we'd like a much calmer year 2.  Year 1 had more excitement than I would ever wish on anybody.

Except that Dane was sent home sick from work yesterday because he threw up when he got there.  Then there's been the stomach issues since yesterday which culminated to blood in the stool sans stool.  Thankfully I already scheduled him to see our doctor due to stomach issues alone (seriously, I thought it was food poisoning since my stomach's messed up too).  But now he needs to go see a specialist for a colonoscopy to find out if this is just hemerrhoids or colon cancer (which freaks the hell out of us sunce we each lost our paternal grandmothers to colon cancer).  Needless to say, I'm doing the wife freak out and trying to keep myself together.  So much for less excitement.  Updates will follow.
  • Current Mood
    worried worried
  • Tags

finally feeling positive

Hives are clearing up- slowly- thanks to the meds.  Which the meds also have this slight side effect of a persistent sore throat.  But it could also be the killer allergies so I'm not calling the doctor.  I've got 2 days left of medication and just bought a bag of Halls Breezers which are working beautifully.  I think I can handle work tomorrow.

If they use me that is since the called me today and completely canned my Friday and Saturday shifts.  But honestly, I don't care.  And you may be thinking, 'but Sophie, you waited so long for them to give you hours, how could you not care that they're cutting your shifts?'

That's because....


I got a new job working hotel security at the not even open brand spanking new Marriott Waikiki EDITION Hotel.  That's right.  Full time employment and we get the Marriott benefit back.  And I start orientation on June 1st.  Hell fucking yeah.  After a year and a half of looking in four different states, I finally found a good full time job within my field of study.  God it feels good to finally say that.

Oh, and my sister in law is gone.

Life is starting to look better and better.
kidding me

false advertisement?

Anyone else think this new Victoria's Secret push up bra is false advertisement? 

I think if I were to find out a woman was 2 cup sizes smaller than she really was I'd be more than a little disappointed.
  • Current Mood
    curious curious
my boys

stress= poor immune system= pick up every damn virus out there

So I've stressed myself out to the point where my immune system's gone down the toilet.  Went to the doctor today... again.  Now we can add an ear infection to my list of issues.  My ear made this loud popping sound last night and between the pain from that and my massive headaches, I got roughly an hour of sleep because I was in so much pain.  So now I have an ear infection and my tension headaches are back.

Fuck my life.

Is 8:49 in the morning too early for a beer?

The gym didn't happen.

Between the monster sinus headache I had when I woke up, an upset stomach, and just all the makings of another depressed day, I sat in the parking lot and couldn't convince myself to go in and sit on a bike.  I know that working out gets the adreneline and endorphines going and blah blah blah, but I don't even want that right now.  I'd rather curl up in bed, cry over Grey's Anatomy and just do some weights at home.

And then go to Costco to replace the milk that went bad 5 days early.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed
Emily with bear

16 days... not that I'm counting

So the talk never happened since she didn't want to go out and eat.  She only stayed down stairs long enough to talk about herself and the engagement that I didn't really pay attention to before going back upstairs to her room.  Whatever.

But now she's just poked her head into the room to beam about their dad taking a weekend in Phoenix to watch her get married.  For someone who keeps calling this her 'non-wedding wedding' she sure does make a big deal about it.  At least she's not excluding him and pouting that we're not going to travel with him.  But I guess she's planned her date and of course it's probably just before Dane and I hit our 1 year.  I'd like to think this wouldn't bother me so much if she wasn't family or living under the same roof as us.  And it probably wouldn't because then I wouldn't be forced to listen to it.

I'm planning on hitting a spin class in the morning after I take Dane to work.  Maybe that will take some of my edge off...
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed
  • Tags